The Tale of the Sea Urchin and the Milky Way

This is a story about my experience visiting a colleague's really amazing penthouse suite in NYC, a sea urchin I ate, and a milky way bar that was even better than that. Enjoy! *just for laughs!*

This is a story about my experience visiting a colleague's really amazing penthouse suite in NYC, a sea urchin I ate, and a milky way bar that was even better than that. Enjoy! *just for laughs!*

If you’ve been following my blog, you know I never talk about my real job. You know I’m a working mom, but I’ve never expanded on that. The reason is because I really want to keep these two lives separate. I’m a mom always, a blogger at night, and during the day, while I’m missing my daughter so much at daycare, I’m a corporate account manager. This week, I’m working with some clients and a coworker in New York, and tonight I experienced something that I know I’ll never experience again, and wanted to share it.

I have a coworker named Kelly* who is dating a man who is rich. Not just rich. Like a gazillionaire rich. He’s in finance, and has done really well for himself; however, this story isn’t really about him. This story is about his penthouse on 5th Avenue, a sea urchin, two foreign men named Bill* and Artie*, and a milky way candy bar. It’s also a long story, so if you don’t have time or are already bored, just stop reading.

Kelly hasn’t told anyone at work about her incredibly wealthy significant other. Everyone knows she’s dating someone, but she’s never really mentioned the fact that he’s got an entire floor to himself in a New York City luxury apartment building, or a plane, or that those 5 carat diamonds in her ears are actually SUPER REAL (and gorgeous). She had told me a while back, but I never really comprehended this kind of wealth until tonight.

When I got invited to his top floor apartment-mansion.

I took the Path from my hotel in Jersey City to the Penthouse, not without having a mild anxiety attack at getting on the 33rd st. train, followed by the W, followed by realizing I was on the wrong W, going the wrong way, getting off, getting on the correct W, then finally making it out onto 5th avenue. I made it past Barney’s, down a side street, some incredible-looking entryways to brownstone homes, 15 Mercedes’ parked along the street, and finally I came to her (his) building. A doorman greeted me and called up to Kelly to let her know I was there. I went to the elevator and took it up to the top floor, accompanied by another elevator bellhop guy. (I’m not even sophisticated enough to know what those people are called).

I got off the elevator, and just like in the movies, the doors opened right into the penthouse’s….foyer? Atrium? LOBBY?! A 1,200 square foot ROOM that had two sofas on either end, an enormous fireplace centerpiece, and a hallway that was 10 feet wide. What in the…..WHAT?! This belongs to someone?!

After picking my mouth up off the floor and not being super incognito about it, Kelly took me on a tour. The walk-in closet that was probably a set on Sex and the City and bigger than a guest bedroom in my house, the master bathroom that looked like a spa with fluffy white rolled towels and porcelain his and hers sinks with a sitting ottoman in the middle; the king sized bed with 37836627872 thread count sheets, electronic window shades that opened to reveal incredible city views; the artwork worth more than my life, which moved over to reveal a 150″ TV built into the wall….it goes on and on.

Moving onwards with the story……..

Kelly’s boyfriend made us reservations at Masa, a sushi restaurant in the Time Warner Center. “I hope you like sushi,” she said. I thought, sure! I love a good California Roll!

They don’t make California Rolls at Masa. California Rolls might as well be Taco Bell to them. In fact, if I had told them I expected a California Roll, they probably would have kicked me out. We were told upon entering the restaurant that we needed to silence our phones, and that pictures weren’t allowed. Otherwise, there would be pictures of all 15+ courses in this post. Unfortunately, you’ll just have to rely on my memory, which may or may not have been tainted by some $98/glass Sake.

I had no idea what to expect, and felt totally out of my element. The fancy dinners I’m used to are the kind where there’s probably a white tablecloth and a really expensive steak. I didn’t bring super fancy clothes, so I looked pathetic next to Kelly in her gorgeous fur Dior vest. I had no idea what kind of etiquette one has at a restaurant this fancy, so I tried to pick up on what I needed to do. I mean, I’m good for putting the napkin on my lap, but when they bring you hot towels, I never know if I need to be wiping my face off, or my hands; and when they bring you a bowl of hot water with lemon in it that turns out to be a mini hand-bath in between courses? Well, I don’t know…at that point I’m just closing my eyes and hoping for the best.

We didn’t “order” anything. I wasn’t sure if Mr. Big had taken care of the menu, or this was how it was….did you just come in and they gave you a bunch of sushi and you paid your $1,000 tab and left?!

The first course came out perched atop a bowl of finely chopped ice. Sitting there sliced in half was a sea urchin, fresh from the Sea World tide pool. Aren’t those poisonous?!!  I couldn’t remember what sea animal it was that was poisonous if you ate too much of it, or didn’t cook it well enough or whatever, but I decided that that kind of thing would have to come with some kind of legal agreement…Oh also, let me explain to you that I’m a peanut butter and jelly kind of girl. I’ve never been like hey I’d love to try a sea urchin today! Before I met my husband, I never really even ate ketchup or mustard. Now, I’m happy to say I’ve expanded to not only those two, but mayo as well. It was a big step.

Anyway, for fear of being rude and offending anyone–the amazing sushi chef making our food, or my generous host Kelly, who I KNOW assumes I’m a crazy country bumpkin mom who never gets out, I ate the sea urchin. And every other course after that. I could hardly understand what each one was, but it was made fresh, right in front of us, and placed on our plates which were cleaned after every piece. There was caviar, fish I don’t remember the names of, heaps of truffles that were probably $500/oz. It was insanity.

Around fish #4, I heard a guy say to Kelly, “I swear this isn’t a pickup line, but I think I’ve seen you somewhere before”. Oh boy, here we go. We ended up talking to Bill (from London), and Artie (who was Lebanese but lived in Ireland for a while) for almost the whole meal. Thankfully for me, Bill had two daughters so I was able to find some common ground in parenting conversations while Kelly and Artie talked about attractive tennis players, of which I know none, because I hardly watch the news let alone sports, doubly let alone tennis.

As we were leaving, Bill and Artie invited us to grab another drink. I allowed a minor pause, and then covered for Kelly and myself, saying thanks, but we had to get to bed. To my surprise, Kelly goes “Yes! I will!” Gosh Darnit Kelly!!! What the heck! So now my mom-crazy comes bursting into my brain, worried that Kelly will be abducted by two strange and foreign men, even if one of them had a yorkshire terrier named Freddy who chased a black bear up a tree on a family hike. They were nice, but so are serial killers until they try to abduct you!!! I made sure it wasn’t the sake talking, offered to stay to keep on eye on her, but eventually realized Kelly was a big girl and decided to leave her with the two foreign men. Also I wanted to take my introverted self back to my hotel and chill out.

DON’T FORGET TO TEXT ME WHEN YOU’RE BACK! I texted her as I got to my cab. I made the trip back to my hotel, over-worrying as usual, and Kelly was just fine. I thanked her again for the experience. It was by far the most expensive meal I’ve ever had in my life. And Mr. Big paid for it all, which was amazingly generous.

I would absolutely never change my life for anything in this world. I don’t wish we had a penthouse in New York, or that we dined in restaurants where your meal potentially cost a mortgage payment. However, it was truly an interesting experience seeing what kind of apartment suite you could buy in New York if you had the means, and eating a meal of that caliber. I’ll always remember it, but always be so grateful for what I’ve got.

And to end this extremely long and probably boring story, I just wanted to leave it on the record that I came back to my hotel and ate a milky way bar to get the taste of wasabi out of my mouth. And it was delicious, and way better than the sea urchin, in case anyone is considering stealing one of them from the tide pool at your local aquarium.

The end.

This is a story about my experience visiting a colleague's really amazing penthouse suite in NYC, a sea urchin I ate, and a milky way bar that was even better than that. Enjoy! *just for laughs!*

*names have been changed to protect the innocent!

 

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2 Comments

  1. January 29, 2017 / 4:19 AM

    Oh my gosh, I can’t imagine this. Sea urchin!!! What a crazy cool experience! I wouldn’t want to live like that either, but wow! That would have been so fun!

    • Meredith
      Author
      January 30, 2017 / 1:13 AM

      Crazy right?! It was definitely fun tho!

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